Ne güzel başlamıştı oysa herşey. Harika başlayan bir birlitelik, güzel bir hayat hayali ile. Bu hayale bir de çocuk eklendi ve ya çocuklar. Öyle de oldu bir süre, her şey çok güzel giderken birden bozuluverdi yaşamak. Ne oldu, neden oldu orası uzun hikaye. Düzelir miydi, belki. Çaba harcanan bir süreç başladı. Başladı iyi güzel ve işte asıl sorun orada başladı değil mi?
Anne unuttu bu evliliğin iki kişi ile başladığını, iki kişilik bir hayyattan çoğaldıklarını. Kendi duygularını yüklemeye başladı çocuk kalkanına. Bunu muhtemelen bilerek yapmadı. Ama olan oldu bir kere. Kendisine ait duyguları adlandıramadı, ayrılmak istemedi içinden her şey düzelir diye hayal etti.
Kızdı, kızdığını söyledi, belki bağırdı, bir şeyler fırlattı, zaman geldi isyan etti. Ama iş ne zaman ki ayrılığa dayandı; çocuğum dayanamaz diye devam etti de etti. Babaya çok düşkün dedi, çok duygusal dedi, ayrı kalamaz dedi. Belki kısa bir süreliğine iş düzelir gibi oldu. Sonra tekrar başa döndü. Hikaye tekrarlandı; anne yine kızdı ‘kocasına’ yine söylendi, kendisine yaptıklarına kızıyordu aslında ve yapmadıklarına tabi. Kızdığının kocası olduğunu hep öteleyerek, evin babası olarak idare ettiğini düşündü. İş yine ayrılığa geldiğinde yine çocuğundan dem vurdu. Bahaneler bahaneler birbirini kovaladı. Yine bir olumlu adım atılır gibi oldu, her tekrarda olduğu gibi. Peki ya sonuç sonuç aynı ve hatta daha kötü oldu annenin çektiği sıkıntıları çocuğuda çekmeye başladı. Kocada ki sorumluluk gittikçe azaldı baba olarakda eksilmeler başladı. Sonra bir gün geldi ayrılık konusu kesinleşti. Ama annede ki bahaneler yine bitmedi. Gerçekleri saklamayı tercih etti maalesef.
Kendisini karıkoca vasfından çıkardığı için, ayrılma kararını aslında kalpten istemediği için, bu kararın aslında bir kadın ve erkek arasında eskiden birbirine saygı duyan, birbirini seven iki kişi arasında alınan bir karar olduğunu unuttuğu için bütün hesabı çocuğuna kesti bilerek ve ya bilmeden. Bahaneler ile kendine göre anlaşılır bir hale getirdi ayrılıktan hiç bahsetmeden ayrı yaşamalarına bir kılıf uydurarak. Ve kurtardı gününü.
Ama ama çocuk var değil mi? Böyle yapması çok çok normal değil mi? Bu iş çok zor değil mi? Yaşamayan bilemez değil mi? Değil mi ? Değil mi ? Değil mi ?
Evet öyle zor çok çok zor. Evet yaşamayan bilemez.
Peki evladına yalan söylemek. O kolay mı ? Önce evladım derken bu kadar büyük bir ihaneti ona yapmak daha mı kolay ? Bu konuyu düşünmek gerek. Burada önemli olan ne ?
O çocuk annesinin ona yalan söylediğini öğrendiğinde mi yoksa baba ve annesinin ayrıldığını öğrendiğinde mi daha büyük üzüntü sahibi olacak. Hangisi onun insanlara olan güven duygusunu zedeleyecek, onu ileride güvensiz bir insan yapacak. Hangisi belki de kadınların tümüne güzvensiz bir ömür sürmesini sağlayacak. Güven narin bir kristaldir, kırıldığı zaman dönüşü olmayan. Günü kurtarmak kime fayda sağladı.
Ayrılık yaşandığında ne anne annelikten, ne baba babalıktan çıkmaz sadece eskiden birbirini seven kişiler birbirini sevmekten vazgeçmiştir, saygısını kaybetmiştir, belki birbirinden nefret ediyorlardır, belki sadece biri nefret ediyordur, belkide hala seviyorlardır birbirlerini şartlar öyle gerekmiştir. Bunların hiç biri çocuğunun annesi ve babası olduğun gerçeğini değiştirmez.
Bunu öğrenmenin en güzel yolu bunu bir bilene yani işin uzmanına bir pedagog, psikolog ve ya doktoruna danışmak. Ve eğer doktor her şart altında çocuğunuza doğru söyleyin diyorsa onu yapmak. Burada annenin çocuğunu korumak düşüncesi ile yapacağı her hareketin aslında kendisini kurtarmak olduğunu bilmek. Gerçek çok acı olsada her zaman doğruyu söylemek gerek. Profesyonel bir destek olmadan ve almadan kendi aklınca bir hareket içinde bulunmak en büyük yanlışı doğurur. Söylenlenleri uygularken de aynı kararlılığı göstermek gerek. İstediğin söylenmedi, işine gelmedi diye psikoloğun ve ya Psikiyatristin söylediğini değiştirmek önceliğin olan yavruna ihanetten başka birşey değildir. İyi olsun istediğin yavruna ihanetin ta kendisidir.
Çocuğunu kalkan yaparak kendini kurtarmak, bir şeyleri sadece ileriye atar o kadar sonucu değiştirmez. Kendini dinle anne ve kendine ne hissettiğini sor gerçekte ne hissettiğini ve istediğini. Bir birey olduğunu unutmadan annelik yap. Kendine de destek al, kendini de girdiğin bu davranıştan kurtar.
Not 1 : Bir çocuğa söylenebilecek en zor ikinci şeydir; annesinin ve babasının artık birlikte olmayacakları ve ayrı yaşayacakları; anne ve ya babasının öldüğünü söylemekten sonra.
Not 2 : Ben kişisel olarak her şart ve şekil altında her zaman gerçeğin söylenmesi taraftarıyım.
Not 3 : Ben ne bir psikolog, ne aile danışmanı, ne pedagog, ne çocuk gelişimcisi, ne çocuk doktoru, ne de bu konular ile ilgili eğitim almış birisi değilim. Yazılarım sadece kişisel birikimim doğrultusunda ki düşüncelerimi anlatır. Her zaman ihtiyaca konu olan konuda konunun uzmanı bir doktora danışılması gerektiğini unutmayın.
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